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Grad-school-friend Kathy taught me: the surest way to have sex is to say, "We're not having sex."

It's like when you go on a diet and all you can think about is food. Anyone who is trying to get a guy to sleep with you, give it a try. When I was trying not to sleep with vip-ex (significant grad-school boyfriend) all the talking about not having sex didn't help us not to have sex.

That said, I'm pretty good at not having sex. I learned how not to have sex long before I'd actually had sex. It is harder to wait, though, now that I've had sex.

My friend Amanda began one long-term relationship when she slept with a guy on the first date. She marveled at my ability not to have sex and she asked me how I did it. We were teenagers, but I'd given it a lot of thought: You have to know why you are not having sex. You have to think it through beforehand. That way you know you have a really good reason not to have sex. When you're with the guy, you may not remember the reason, but you can tell yourself, 'there is a really good reason not to have sex, so I won't.' It's not possible to think it through in the heat of the moment. But you can remember that there is a good reason, even if you can't remember what it is.

She liked it but I don't think she applied it.*

When I would be in the clinch with a guy, I would say to myself, "there is a really good reason not to have sex." Jamy: Stop. You need to stop. We can't. Guy: Why can't we? Jamy: We can't. Guy: Why not? Jamy: I can't remember right now but there is a really good reason. Guy: What? Jamy: There is a really good reason. Stop. We have to stop.